I was sleep the first time it happened.
I was sleep every time it happened.
Sleep, I was told, was restorative.
Closing my eyes would allow my body to rest.
My mind could stop wandering.
I could be inactive.
I didn’t have to feel.
Just close your eyes, they said.
If ever it becomes too much, just go lie down. Close your eyes.
I closed my eyes.
This seemed better than reality.
No freedom, which I think I loved. I didn’t have to do or decide anything.
I could just go along here...play my role here.
Eventually I stayed asleep.
It kept attacking.
But then I heard them whispering..
First, through my mother
Then, my sister
Then through Toni
I opened my eyes.
I opened my eyes and they stopped.
The whitemares stopped.
I see now.
I feel now.
I freedom dream now.
With my eyes wide open.